I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
