DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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