My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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