He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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