Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
