nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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