Where did you get a picture of my penis
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i dont even know how to be here
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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