I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
