im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
