His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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