I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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