I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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