A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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