it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
