So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
