She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize