maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
