I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
