Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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