Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
