i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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