Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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