I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
