There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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