glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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