dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
