best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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