I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
