OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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