You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
