Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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