His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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