you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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