Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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