This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
