At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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