my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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