ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
