We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
