I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
vagina is talking i cant
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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