There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
