My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
