so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
