i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
