Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
