That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
