toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm going to jail i love you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
