If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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