like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize