Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
