; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
