I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
