omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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