i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
