so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
