I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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