You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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