remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
