That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
