Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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