you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
