"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
