Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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