woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
