whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
